What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 04:39
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She was in good health!
I could never make a relationship work though!
What is something you want to "get off your chest"?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
What type of narcissist cheats more and gets pleasure out of hurting you, even if they're married?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
When gallery photos are deleted at the same time, why are Google photos also deleted?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Here’s why exercise is so important if you’re a cancer survivor - The Washington Post
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I write beautiful poetry .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
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So whats the point in blame.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He resisted the act ,that day.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
How do you stop your balls from sweating?
I was 9 years of age.
So, i spoilt her more .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She wouldn,t have been !
One cannot live in the past .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My life is so biszare .
When she asked me how she looked .
I was very sick at this time too.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I will be 64.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
This is soul school!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I don,t even have a pension.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She loved him until the end.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was scared of men, in general
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But it wasn’t much.
But, we were locked up after school.
Comes on , in middle age.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was seconnd youngest,
Ive learnt so much.
We all went to grammer schools
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He knew the spot.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
It was going to be , some day.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Would this be the day?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And i lived it daily.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We were not on the streets..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But ive been too sick for many years..
I have no regrets .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I think the readers, may guess!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I couldn’t, believe it.
I waited trembling.
What did i know ?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My family never makes their pension either.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Was to survive, this bastard.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I said to her
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She found it foreign!.
All the time i was locked up.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why did i forgive my father ?
(And it was in our own minds.)
Who then, do I blame.?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im still living with it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Put me off passion for life!!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She married twice! .